Empathy and the need for alignment and balance!
- Have you ever been taken off guard by your own empathy?
- Have you ever seen in someone the greatness they fail to see in themselves?
- Have you ever felt something so deep for someone who needed love and support, only to be left feeling completely energetically drained and empty?
- Are you able to feel the pain of others you love so deeply, even at a distance, that you feel like you are going crazy sometimes?
- Are you sometimes struggling with how to deal with being overly empathetic towards others who seem to be stuck in one place in almost all areas of their lives?
- Do you get frustrated because you seem to be doing all the work of directing others lives, yet you get push-back on any and all suggestions, even if those suggestions are well known success principles that work for anyone who embraces them?
If any of this sounds like you, then you may be an out of balance Empath.
A lot of what I’m about to share here is backed by science and research, but mostly this information is coming through my own personal filters and potential distortions too, so please take what resonates with you, and leave the rest. I’ll try to do my best to describe my thoughts and feelings here, and I kindly ask that you also leave some feedback… to let me know how you feel about this topic as well.
Some Empaths aren’t what they appear to be!
There are a lot of people who claim to be empaths, but who may just be able to identify… but not really feel the pain and emotions of others as deeply as a true empath does. If the person you are dealing with can mainly only identify with their own pain, this is likely not another empath you are dealing with, or a very guarded, scared and sometimes very sadly traumatized person. This might overshadow any empathy they actually do have within them, making it very hard to trust their motives. They’ll use terms and language that basically negates or lessens your emotions, such as telling you to just get over it etc., when you have trouble dealing with balancing your own empathy towards others at times. Or they can sometimes assume you should have no sad feelings at all… if they are already in a good mood, because this is yet another way to try to break down others, in order to build themselves up. Any and all criticism is blown out of proportion, and elicits and angered response, no matter how you try to approach criticism with these kinds of manipulative, or traumatized individuals.
Keep in mind, that not everyone does this kind of behavior on purpose, as some people have had this conditioned into them through their own unfounded abuses, and traumas. However, this behavior learned or intentional is a survivalist tactic as much as it is used for sociopathic control. It’s my personal belief that when a person is put under such duress as victims of sociopaths and narcissists, that they can sometimes take on the very personality traits (as learned, conditioned behaviors) of those they are… or have been abused by. This is done in order to survive their environment, and because they feel they’ve no other choice. However, the choice to later not recognize their own negative patterns, and own them as a guide map towards change, is always up to that individual to realize or not. The empaths job is to only help others see the patterns, in the hopes that they can take it from there towards healing. If we try to force things, we can become out of alignment ourselves and start to feel frustrated and overwhelmed.
How to approach dealing with the more extreme psychological conditions
Many people with these psychological conditions simply give up trying and can expect those around them to pick up the slack of dysfunction, because they feel entitled… because they were previously victimized. Or they might find themselves taken by surprise because they haven’t really taken life seriously enough, because they haven’t had too – up to the point of things falling apart. Keeping the blinders on in life, is what gets all of us into so much trouble, including us empaths. Not dealing with or taking personal growth and learning seriously, ends up in many cases a very negative outcome, and can rob us of a lot of happiness in this life. It’s up to each one of us who’ve been victims to make our own choices towards change or realize great loss and pain in this life through constant resistance toward personal development, forgiveness, and true love of self and others.
All great relationships start with loving yourself first
I personally feel that a person simply cannot truly love another person, without first learning to love themselves. Otherwise what they’re doing is only out of desperation, and with looking at relationships to save them from their own lives, and from their own pain, thus transferring most of the responsibility onto others, and perpetually distancing themselves from the true love they could otherwise have. Relationships like this I feel… are rarely ever based on true love. Having a relationship to grow together with similar “give and take relationship styles”, I feel is what people should be looking for in order to be happy and healthy; especially those that are sensitive empaths full of emotion, deep love and compassion for others.
The importance of making good choices in life!
Everything we experience in this life is due to the choices we make (past present and future), and that also includes how we react to our past traumas, and abuses, and what we choose to carry, resolve or let go of. Some react with wanting to heal and get better from their trauma, while others react with avoidance behaviors, with turning to substance abuse (addictions in general), and perpetually hiding from life with pleasure seeking, and escapism type behaviors. The point here is not to say we shouldn’t have fun in moderation in life, but that we need balance with all things in this life, as we cannot always be the partier with no responsibilities, and never the student of this life. It all comes down to deciding to look at life as a learning experience, instead of something that is out of our control to change or direct.
Finding your purpose!
We add value to our lives when we learn about ourselves, because we automatically become an example of positivity when we use our inner most gifts. We all have those things within us that make us unique and energized, and one of the main points of life is to learn how to align with those intrinsic talents and purposes. It can often mean you have to take some time out to really reflect and connect to your newly discovered or discovering purposes. Those unwilling to go within… sometimes look at those who chose the other more solution oriented path, as competitors, and judgmental adversaries, no matter how hard we can try to convince them otherwise that our intentions are always to… “so desperately” want to help fix those things that hurt them, and it’s not ever about us attempting to control their lives. This part also leads to discussions about the importance of alignment, which we’ll discuss soon.
There is a big difference between controlling and a desire to guide and help those we love, because we in many cases have been where they are… and have good things to share. The person we are helping first needs to fully own and embrace their own issues, and want to work together in the beginning, but to also follow through on their own self discovery journey. It takes a lot of personal insight, and some time learning self-awareness for those unaware of the importance of personal boundaries, for them know when they are breaking personal boundaries with others, especially if you’ve clearly stated previously what those boundaries are. This goes to respect for others, and again speaks of a certain level of alignment needed to succeed.
Make sure to set and agree on personal boundaries!
For the empath, it is about wanting to heal those things that are harmful to the ones we love, and we cannot help but get busy right away problem solving for others who in many cases never intend to play that role for themselves. They in many cases are only there for us to learn our own self-love, and for us to know when to walk away from something that seems futile, and is no longer serving our own lives, by holding us back from our own goals and personal peace and happiness. Better alignment affords an easier dynamic, with communication styles that line up better, as well as cooperation, and commitment towards common goals.
Often, we’ll sacrifice our own lives to such a degree, that we lose ourselves in the process, and our own personal motivations and convictions can suffer as we take on the pain of others too much. It begins to feel like we are hanging over a cliff trying to pull someone back up, while they’re kicking and screaming to let them go. Sometimes as hard as it is, we must let go to save our own lives, when people have decided to let go of their own passion, drive, and purpose, and in some cases even refuse to fully investigate, reflect and attempt to align with their own purpose. Many people who have suffered in this life, have been stuck in their own hearts, minds and souls with limiting thoughts about their actual abilities. As Doctor Wayne Dyer always said, “If you can Change your thoughts, you can Change your life!” Also, “If you Change the way you look at things, the things you look at Change!”
Change your thoughts change your life!
Empaths usually don’t expect perfection out of others, we only expect that the people we are trying to help (whom have asked for our help, or have agreed to receive our help) will eventually “through trying” begin to realize (and admit) that they need help. We then hope they’ll begin to take some steps toward changing those things that are causing them so much pain. In many cases, this is pain they’ve carried their entire lives, never spoken openly about, and never really resolved within their own hearts, minds and souls.
It all comes down to decisions, and the intention of the individual. However, the empath can sometimes be turned into the villain (in the minds of some)… when the empath begins to get frustrated with those that choose to stay where they are (when it becomes a back and forth emotional roller coaster of pain for all involved), when the empath knows they have so much more potential within them, than to simply give up. Giving up on ourselves, is a choice as well, and does have Karmic implications for our lives, where if we keep doing the same things we’ve always done, we’ll only ever have what that process produces. It’s time for a change in this case, if we’re feeling stuck or imprisoned by a relationship dynamic.
As for motivation, we basically have two choices in this life, we can keep feeling a victim of our past or present circumstance – lay down and die, or we can get up and fight all the way to the finish line, until such as time that the fight no longer feels like a fight. I promise if you hang in there… and fight long enough, that this’ll no longer feel like a fight, as you’ll have aligned with your own purpose, and have given those things within you the energies they need for the universe to put the proper circumstances, and people into your life to help you out. This is where alignment comes in, which we’ll cover in a few minutes. Alignment of purpose plays an essential role for any of us to truly succeed in this life.
Finding your motivation!
Again, we can choose to continue to be lifelong victims, or we can choose a more solution-oriented approach of self-discovery, self-motivation, self-love and healing. Many will say either that they “simply don’t have it in them”, or that they are simply just different and are not capable of this (essentially using excuses to avoid the inner work of self-discovery, because it is much easier). I believe they have simply just given up on themselves or are momentarily not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because of lack of self-reflection, or with other complications (addictions, mental illness etc.). Perhaps even in some extreme cases, because of an entire life spent not paying attention to how the quality of the choices they make… affects not only their own lives, but the lives of those around them.
There is a sort of ripple effect, and a residual effect that sticks with us, that some call Karma. Some people can go an entire lifetime never dealing responsibly with their own issues and can leave these issues festering deep down within their hearts, minds and souls for many years. The one thing for sure is: that they still have new choices they can make in the here and now, if they choose to embrace real healing and positivity. Every individual, however, can only be guided…and it’s only the job of the empath to guide but never to force or fix others completely on their own. When we force things, we are showing our own weaknesses, and sometimes can lead to anger and resentment as well. In the beginning it is okay to do some of the extra work, but if they’re still afraid to pick up the tools so to speak, then it is our time to leave that situation to protect our own hearts and minds.
Karma and empathy!
This also allows that person to realize you’ll no longer be there to pick up the slack for them. This might force them to do what they have needed to do all along, which is to take full responsibility for their own issues, by not resisting the work needed to get what they really want from this life. It’s okay to help those that are willing to help themselves, but it is not healthy to keep doing for those that are unwilling to do what needs to be done for themselves. Staying in this locked state, only frustrates both people, to the point that good communication without defensiveness and frustration no longer happens when trying to address issues. These principles apply in all relationship types, not just intimate relationships.
This is especially true… if they refuse (time and time again) to work together on better personal alignment with purpose, better communication skills, or just to be able to make healthier decisions overall. Decisions that support the idea of taking better care of their own health and responsibilities, so they can be proud of themselves, and so that the burden of responsibility is not placed mainly onto others. The main point is in making sure we are all trying our best, so that even if you don’t succeed, you know you are doing your absolute best to heal and live the best possible life you can. This will help in relationships even if you are failing… It’s in the trying that shows conviction and personal intention to take care of our own needs, even if others still must take up some of the slack. It’s only when we stop trying to do our best… that our entire lives can fall apart. This is the kind of dynamic that creates severe depression, and severe lack of self-esteem, and severe dependencies on others, and sometimes can even lead to homelessness, with the burning of bridges, and the turning to addictions to temporarily escape their reality, instead of dealing with the inner cause of the addictions.
Understanding addiction isn’t just for addicts!
Sometimes people with addiction think those that have not turned to addiction, have no idea about the dynamics of addiction. That is simply not true! One can also learn through years of education and observation of other(s) behaviors and situations… just like a scientist does, and an empath can certainly see and feel the emotions of those that can continue to give up on themselves or choose a harder path of escapism. Everything in life involves choices, and anyone can decide to get started on bettering their own lives, or to keep falling back into things the give them temporary comfort… yet remain harmful to them as well as to those they love.
It all involves choice and intention, no matter the excuses used to continue with their current trajectory. Again, it’s not as important whether a person is successful or not, but that they work at it daily… and try to get better through the intention and personal conviction to do so. Practicing that long enough will break them free from the bonds of addiction… but if they continue with their current environment and attitudes as they are, they’ll likely continue to fail because nothing is changing with the internal convictions to do something about what isn’t working in their lives. If we can figure out the reasons behind the addiction, we can cure the addiction. This is where the personal power lies, but again it takes a decision, and a consistent choice to resolve those things that hold them back.
The harsh reality of broken promises!
After some time if things don’t get better with those who expect our help – with the follow through on agreed goals and commitments as individuals and couples, then we do a disservice to ourselves and others if we act as a crutch for those unwilling to do their own inner work; the work we all must do…. with learning some very hard lessons. These are lessons we all agreed with before we came here in the first place or have created through our own free will while we’ve been here. Another way to lose our personal power is in giving away our personal power to that of a perpetrator, through allowing the abuse (past or present) to continue to hold us back from our own willingness to do the work it takes to get better.
We all get what we put into this life, and that again is the universal law of Karma hard at work in our lives. Karma in and of itself is not a bad thing! Both good and bad Karma exists, and it’s all for our own good in the long run, or for our demise if we choose to give up on ourselves, or to expect that the world owes us something, so we are entitled to hold onto our anger and pain forever. I believe our main goal while we are here is to learn forgiveness and love even under the hardest of circumstances. This is not easy for any of us at all, but I feel it is an inevitable, and an integral part of the journey in this life, to learn self-love, forgiveness of self and others before we’ll be able to experience any real joy in this life.
The dependent mindset, induces panic and fear, instead of love and self reliance!
At some point it all becomes a battle with the anxious mind, telling them that things are falling apart, and they begin to feel like they are running out of time, and go right back into panic mode, latching desperately onto the first thing that comes along to save them, instead of first learning their own self love and value, and really appreciating the good that’s already within themselves, so that they can finally align with their true destiny; the truest and purest unconditional love they can imagine. I believe that no matter how hard our lives are here on this planet, that we all agreed to go through our challenges, but it is up to us through the power of free will and intention, to either deal with these things now to live a more purposeful and happy life, or we’ll just have to come back and learn these exact same lessons all over again. Ground hog day forever? No thank you!
People with great traumas, or major psychological conditions may be able to identify with other people’s pain to some extent… but are still in many cases operating from a place of self-preservation and self-focus because of past abuse, or past traumas, or because of other psychological conditions. Now, whether this behavior of only seeing things from their own perspective is intentional or not, is very hard to determine sometimes. A truly empathic and enlightened person will at least eventually get to the point… where they want real change and can truly only then really own their own “out of balance behaviors, aggressions and retaliatory and projected abuses.”
There are some people that can fake empathy very well like a sociopath, or narcissist or other psychologically conditioned individuals (bi-polar, unresolved PTSD, borderline personality disorder etc.) where the traits of manipulation are employed to fool others into believing they are truly an empath. People with any of these conditions sometimes twist the truth… to try to gain the upper hand (looking at relationships as competitive) and either inadvertently or intentionally produce conflict – or in some cases to avoid feeling bad about themselves for their own behaviors, by provoking others with their own anger to react negatively, so they can later use it against them, in a sort of game of control and manipulation.
We are all here to learn and grow, even if you don’t like the idea of growth!
As an empath, most of us figure out early on that we have a gift with helping others. However, in many ways we can end up giving too much of ourselves, sacrificing our own happiness, resources, and time for those who do very little to find their own personal motivation to heal, grow and get better on their own. Sometimes it takes so much work and prodding, that the empath is left feeling drained and tired, and overwhelmed and affected by both the negativity they are having to deal with…. and with having to work so hard to try and fix other people’s issues. This in turn can create a cyclical problem of the same desperation to save a sinking ship. Before you know it, in some cases your own ship starts to sink, under the draining of personal resources, time, and emotional efforts of trying to get others to see a healthier path for themselves, and that would work better for the relationship as well. The empaths mistake often: is sticking in there too long and being fooled that they can change things after even a year of seeing no real change, and in fact sometimes even seeing steps being taken backward in some cases.
Life is too short to waste time on things that may never change!
This makes even more frustration for the empath, because they feel like all their time has been wasted seeing no real changes in that person at all… and still getting so much push back with seeking solutions or even being willing to discuss change constructively and not always defensively. The thing about the empath though, is they can see deep into the core of a person and realize the glimpse of god/source that resides in all of us. And we tend to cling to the hope that we’re the ones that can save that person, and in some cases everyone around us. When in fact the empaths role as I have come to know it, is first and foremost with ensuring their own emotional and physical health, so that they can be there to support and guide those in the same positive ways, and then to just be there to share their own successes and insights by living what they teach as well. Like the Buddha says, “Be the change you want to see in this world”, this is the best way to teach others.
There is absolutely nothing wrong however, with people trying to help each other to have a better life, but what I’ve found difficult as an empath are those people who have suffered great abuse, and in some cases cannot seem to forgive their past, and cannot seem to resolve their anger enough to practice new things, or to face down the challenge of going within to resolve.
Sometimes these kinds of people are unaware of the patterns they’ve built in their own lives (even beyond the abuse), and the pressure they put on others to both resolve their issues for them, and who have simply decided it’s easier to remain angry and defiant than to truly work together to resolve issues. They sometimes become masters at deceiving and avoiding, and masters at playing the victim role. They tend to frequently break promises and agreements to themselves, as well as to others they are supposed to love, and are supposed to be working towards similar goals with.
Sometimes games are played even though it might not be obvious at first!
This type of conditioned person can sometimes turn on you at any moment, and in the next moment they can break down, and tell you everything you want to hear. This is so they can keep playing this game of back and forth, preying on, and sometimes using the emotions of the empath to gain the upper hand, and to provoke a negative reaction out of you, so that they can use it as some kind of additional control, and something they can hold above your head later as well. At this point it is best to walk away than to continue to invest so deeply and emotionally in something that seems to be going nowhere and has turned into some kind of battle for control (a competition), rather than both people actually working towards understanding and resolve.
This game intentional or not, can become very destructive and frustrating for the empath. People think that empaths are supposed to never feel hurt, nor are they to show any anger or frustration. I believe that a true empath a lot of the time can be taken advantage of, and later blamed for the very things that get projected onto them. If a person suffering from PTSD or other mental illness, uses constant passive aggressiveness, and excuses for never moving ahead in life, they can sometimes turn this into a game of cat and mouse so to speak.
They can take advantage as much as possible of those moments of emotional weakness you might have… and use it as the time to gain the upper hand, by taking what is happening to you personally, or acting as if the sadness was directed at them… or is because of them, even if it’s clearly explained it’s not. In some cases, they’ll use passive aggressive anger, and angered expressions and tone of voice in those very moments, to get a rise out of the other person already under sadness and stress. They seem to do this, to gain what they think is the upper hand. If they can get a rise out of you at your weakest moments … they can again play the victim role. This is because these kinds of people have never taken any responsibility for their own happiness, nor have they taken any real responsibility for their own healing; thus, they are incapable of really comforting others in their most difficult times of need.
Of course, they know that the empath will have a hard time later with their own self-esteem, if they feel they might lose their own temper for responding to all the negativity directed at them unfairly…. when already under stress, and with knowing all the sacrifices they make for them every day. This is another form of control over others, to attempt to elicit reactions. So, when we become reactory as much as they are over time, we too are allowing this unhealthy situation to continue to take down our own vibration to the point that we are taking steps back on our path towards happens as well. Because we can often see so much more in the person than they’ll ever truly be willing to see in themselves, we can often times stay in something for way too long, to the point that it has a very negative affect on our own self-esteem and stress levels. Their self-worth always seems to show in the efforts they make to own their own issues, and to be willing to work as a team to bring things more into alignment as individuals and as a couple.
Understanding the importance of alignment!
The importance of alignment cannot be understated. Firstly, I feel a person must do enough inner work in order to know who they are, and what makes them happy, and healthy mind-body and spirit. It takes full insight into all these areas, as well as taking time to identify your own talents and gifts as an individual. Herein lies the truth of your purpose, with aligning with those things that light your fire, and give you the passion needed to get up each day. So many people never even try to explore who they really are (putting aside dysfunction, and distractions) or what makes them truly happy. A lot of the time this is because they have put themselves into a box of safety and escapism from reality and personal responsibility. This is a fear-based and sometimes an anger-based box, that keeps them inside stirring within such a low negative vibration for so very long, causing a lifetime of struggles and feelings of inadequacy, because of an outwardly expressed I don’t care attitude, but really inside they are just not connected or aligned with their higher self. Until one day, when they are either forced to look beyond the box through circumstances beyond their control, or through personal revelations or epiphanies. We all struggle with these things, no matter who we are, and it is never too late to turn some things around to feel better and more aligned with purpose.
For example, if your desire was to become a Doctor, and you felt there was no way financially for you to do that, maybe the purpose is later expressed through volunteer work at a hospital helping kids with Cancer cope. One example is the man who goes around dressed up like a clown to make the kids smile and laugh. Or the medium who helps kids talk about what it’s like to transition if they are facing that severe of a situation. Of maybe instead of a Doctor you learn how to heal using Reiki or other alternative health and wellness programs such as becoming a yoga instructor, or learn how to do acupuncture, or crystal therapies etc. There are so many ways we can honor our purpose without feeling like it has past us by. The goal is to get started planning a strategy to first get yourself healthy and aligned, and then start to find ways to be of service to the world in alignment with your purpose. If you find purpose in helping others through a healing program you are already part of, then maybe that is a sign for a path you could take as well as a career or as a volunteer. All it will take is a little bit of reflection and inner work to determine your options to try things. Create a list of things to try and get started trying a few until you land on what you love.
Then once we are better in alignment with ourselves, or at least on our path of discovery, it is then that we can better align with others that can help us better, or that will want to stick with us long term because they see motivation, drive, self-commitment, self-love, and excitement that become contagious to everyone around them.
So, if we try to take a motivated positive person, who has already been doing many of these kinds of things all their lives, and try to put someone who resists self-discovery and learning… or has not even gotten to the point of admitting they need changes in their lives, you’ll always have major conflicts. This is especially true when trying to give the most minor of criticisms or requests to understand a certain behavior they portray. What happens a lot of the time with misalignments, is the person less motivated towards change, will sometimes make positive statements and commitments, that they never truly intended to follow through on, or are simply are just too scared to get started because of the mindset they need to retrain inside of their own minds.
The empath tends to want to rectify and share all of the tools they already intrinsically knew coming into this life or have learned over many years to retrain their own brains. However, if you are continually met with only resistance (and arguments and misunderstandings) towards that change, you are simply not in alignment with that individual on any meaningful level. That doesn’t mean the empaths are better than the other person – it just means both people have chosen a different path in life and keeping things going… would only serve to continue to waste each other’s time, or to create more sadness, pain and conflict. Sometimes we can be very successful with helping others, and sometimes we have our own things to work on that are also still out of alignment with those we are trying to connect with as well. The point is both people have to own their own things and be willing to work together with a focus on love, forgiveness and service to self and others always being in balance.
Why being somewhat on the same page with life goals is important!
Some people will use the excuse that “well you know that no two people are exactly the same!” I personally feel this is a sort of cop-out with the responsibility… than we must ensure we are at least somewhat on the same page with people who are like minded at least. This doesn’t mean you have to be on the same level in all areas and exactly the same… only that you are both headed in similar directions. People who are headed in entirely different directions, or live two very different kinds of lives, with totally different moral systems and motivations, will do no one any good trying to force a close relationship in that case. Honestly on both sides… is the only thing that can allow each person to finally move onto the path they choose to be on, without any major negative emotional effects on each other. Identifying honestly the level of personal desire to fix our own issues, is very important for an empath to have in a successful life with another person, instead of being the one who always sacrifices everything for everyone else, while in many cases never having anything even remotely the same reciprocated back. Those situations don’t help either person to get any better, because of the major misalignment’s personality wise.
The importance of a can do attitude!
Sometimes people only make those commitments to each other – of willingness to work on issues, to get what they want from others, and are not really being true to the work that needs to be done for themselves as individuals, and as intimate partners, friends or relatives. If you’ve ever read books on brain plasticity… this is a subject that’s very important to realizing that our mental conditions are not always permanent conditions, and we do have the power to rewire our brains in many ways, including our thought patterns and our reactions. When your thoughts, actions and words change (good or bad), so does your entire life. The things you tell yourself, and the things you tell others matter. For example to say “I can’t” all the time, is much worse than to say I have a hard time with certain things, and I want and desire to find out how I can best work with this limitation, to improve it’s personal effects on me. The first statement is giving up, and the other shows a wiliness to learn, grow and get better, and a desire to seek true happiness in their life.
So, to summarize the need for alignment there are two key factors. Aligning with our own purpose and desires, and for the best relationships; especially the intimate ones, we have to also attempt to align with those at least willing to get on the same path towards very similar goals and desires. You don’t have to already be in alignment… but totally different goals, likes and dislikes simply statistically won’t work long term. Yes, opposites do attract, but in many cases are not the most connected types of relationships and may not have the best chance at lasting long term. People who both agree that self-motivation, self-love, forgiveness of self and others, and a desire to be of service to others I feel have the best chance at lasting long term, in a more loving, centered and connected way. If your desires are different than this, then my advice will likely not make sense in your personal case. I assume most people are really after real love, and commitment, and that has to first start with the individual, working on self-love, self-confidence, and personal motivation and commitment to their own needs and goals.
I hope this article helps you to see how important balance and alignment is for the emapth, as it is for most anyone else. However, since empaths usually go the extra mile in relationship, It’s important in negative cases at some point…to realize things are not progressing, so you can keep looking for your best alignment, so you can finally experience the happiness and love that you deserve. I too am still working on all of this… and hope to find that best possible alignment for myself as well, to bring in more happiness, and more fulfillment through being of more service to others, and to experience more connected relationships and friendships as a result of learning more about myself, and the world around me.