Have you ever been to a place in your heart as an empath, where you felt completely misunderstood? Have you ever been completely emotionally overloaded, and confused by the response to normal things… like giving out your empathy?
When I write these articles, I’m not giving out advice as a guru, but I use it to share what I feel I have learned (what works for me), as well as what isn’t working for me. It’s also a form of therapy in some ways for me. I do this with the hope to both teach a few things, and mainly to learn more about other peoples experiences as well. Please do comment if you can… about how you feel about the message of this article, and whether you find it helpful. This sharing back and forth is so important for our individual and collective growth. This after all is the reason we are here; we are here to learn and grow… not just exist until our time is up.
This article is coming from the angle of intimate relationships from an empath’s perspective, and how we can become so overloaded with so many things when trying too hard to express ourselves. Keep in mind up front, I’m coming mostly from my own personal perspective, so some of this is about me, not the empath community as a whole, but I hope some of this resontates with you as well.
There are a few things that I feel true empaths require in a relationship, and some of those things are:
- To truly feel heard.
- To feel loved and respected.
- Wishing others could understand how serious we are about feeling the feelings of others, and how that has a real affect on us.
- Needing to be with a partner who understands how vibration affects everything in our lives, from thoughts, actions, emotions, intentions and words.
- We do better with people who have a very similar moral and value system.
- We do better with people who are at least willing to work on things that are not currently in alignment.
- We certainly do not match well with the narcissists, and sociopaths, but then again who does?
- We need to be with people who understand life’s purpose is to learn and grow, and at the same time fully understand what it means to have free will.
- We prefer people who fully understand and have a desire to at least seek out true enlightenment through the balance of mind, body and spiritual concepts.
- We need people to understand that our initial seriousness must be there… for us to feel comfortable and to work towards trusting – so that we can let our guard down later and have more fun.
- We cannot wait to resolve issues, because procrastination, or avoidance is never an option for the empath. We simply cannot survive what that does to us internally.
There are many more things I could list, but those I feel are a good start for this conversation, so let’s get started point by point.
To truly feel heard
For an empath to feel loved, and respected, there must be open, honest and caring communication. However, with the empath attracting quite often the narcissist, or other challenging personality types, we tend to end up with people that find it difficult, or are simply disinterested in true intimate relationships.
What happens instead are behaviors from those kinds of partners, where they are only self-focused, and tend to never reflect back what you are saying, and seem only interested in what they have to say. Never is there any indication they are listening or even if they agree or not agree with your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
In a loving relationship, which I’m still (even at my age) looking for, I find myself in a sea of narcissism. Perhaps all the best matches at my age are already taken? I sometimes think about how perfect a dating site would be if it only had somewhat enlightened (not implying perfection) empaths who’ve been in committed relationships… but the only reason they are now single, is because they’ve been widowed. In a perfect world right (lol)?
Joking aside, I do however feel that my experience has been very similar to so many other empaths, who have also attracted so many of those narcissists. The thing is in the beginning, they are very good at hiding their true colors, but even after they are discovered, we tend to let things go so much. But we do so only to our own detriment. However, empaths also know that the behavior of narcissism can sometimes be a product of conditioning usually from childhood experiences, or naturally inherent in the persons physical makeup. Therefore, we tend to give people chances to change if they see value in doing so for themselves. This is only a bad thing, if you must force others to see the value in doing this kind of work for themselves, and for the betterment of the relationship. If this part is hard, it’s a red flag for me now.
The thing is though, a narcissist or a sociopath, are the greatest at mimicking good behavior, and with manipulating the empath into believing they care about positive change, and good communication. And the worst case scenario are those that are conditioned into these behaviors as a sort of protection mechanism. This was the way they survived their past traumas themselves, to use emotional walls, and passive aggressive, and even defensive behaviors to keep people at a safe distance. We can all relate this this conditioning, and empaths aren’t immune to falling into the same trap. In this case, it can be even more difficult to break through, because their focus is on survival, not on mutual give and take relationship dynamic. They tend to only take in relationships and cannot even see what it is they are doing, because all they know is survival and living for the moment.
So back to this bullet point about being heard. The thing is with the narcissist whether it be conditioned, or inherited in their genes, we will never ever be heard, nor will we ever have the normal back and forth conversation styles. Usually the conversation is one way, and you cannot ever give an opposing view without some sort of triggering event happening. So, when they respond in anger because we either expect to be able to dig into the details of the topic at hand, or if we share an opposing view or debate a subject, it’s always met with anger. And this can become a rebound trigger of frustration for the empath as well. This response is hard to keep under wrap because of our own conditioning.
We lose patience with the same old situations with people who simply only ever see things from their own perspective. In many cases, they simply are unable to show in their actions and words, that they care about the thoughts, feelings and emotions of others. They tend to get frustrated with the emapath, because they know they cannot manipulate an empaths consistent thinking process, with their own inconsistent and manipulative thought process. The desire to be heard is the requirement of every loving individual on this planet in my opinion, not some kind of special requirement only for the empath.
Being heard, and having your thoughts, feeling and emotions validated are so important for us all. And validation does not mean we expect agreement, only that they have respectfully listened to… and understand our point of view (and naturally validate it through reflecting what we are saying back to us). I sometimes feel as a male empath, that we are at such a disadvantage with things like this, because society looks at a man who expresses emotion in many ways as weak. I would say the exact opposite is true, that the ones without the ability to express themselves emotionally, are the ones that are the weakest, and the ones that are the least adjusted in this life. However, we cannot be all pure emotion either, and driven by fear, and sadness if we are not getting what we want out of a relationship. We must all (male or female), be very careful not to define ourselves, or base our happiness in this life, on whether or not we can have what we want in an intimate relationship.
In some ways, the most beautiful lessons in this life… have come through what we are faced with – when we’ve had these kinds of extreme relationship dynamics to deal with.
To feel loved and respected
This to me should be one of the easiest things to express in a relationship is love and respect. Respect in no way indicates an expectation of agreement, only that our thoughts, feelings and emotions are respected as one human being to another. This the empath feels should be done to honor the other persons perspective… if that perspective doesn’t hold a dark or evil intent. This comes very natural for an empath this ability to put ourselves into the shoes of another, and to relate to what they are going through, even if we haven’t experienced it directly ourselves. In some ways, we are experiencing it through the feelings of others we surround ourselves with. We really do feel the feelings of a struggling addict for example, or for those suffering with mental health issues. Sometimes, its because we have directly experienced those things in our past or present situations, and sometimes it’s because we are experiencing it by proxy through being able to pick up on those energies, and sometimes even both at the same time. Our expectation is however: that the ones we choose to be with, have the same respect for not only saying you love and respect someone, but being able to show it in our thoughts, spoken words, actions and intentions.
This expectation however, is too intense for so many people we tend to attract into our lives, like the typical narcissists, or borderline personality disorders, or the past extremely abused and neglected… who’ve not yet found a way to address their own innermost pain. I personally believe however, that we attract those kinds of people into our lives, so that we can both learn and grow ourselves. Our own resilience comes through the process of learning how to deal with extreme emotional rejection, and to learn to value ourselves enough to know when to walk away from extreme situations that are too hard to rectify alone. Both people must be willing to work on issues together… and to have a clear understanding that the relationship will have some level of commitment to each other… to walk a similar path towards similar life goals. The empath will always have this expectation of teamwork, love and respect. However, they often forget to love themselves enough to know when to see the red flags early, and when to stop letting things slide. We need to recognize the red flags earlier, so that not too much of our lives are wasted in an infinite loop of Karmic dances with those unwilling… or disinterested in mind-body and spiritual balance – or with personal growth and alignment in general.
Wishing others to understand how serious we are about feeling the feelings of others, and how that has a real effect on us.
I don’t know about you, but I feel this is one of the most difficult things to get people to understand. This idea that we can feel people’s feelings even at great distances. I’ve had the opportunity to have a couple of long-distance relationships, and I can tell you that I can feel the feelings of others no matter the distance. If I am connected to someone on an emotional, or spiritual level, there is no way I will be able to completely turn off the affects that persons energy has on my own.
Therefore, having proper alignment with those we allow into our energy space is so very important. How we define proper alignment is a bit tricky. It’s not as simple as finding someone with the exact same value system. It’s more about another person’s trajectory in life, and whether things can become more in alignment with values and morals. This is regardless of the past, because empaths are nonjudgmental for the most part, except for the extreme evil. Even in that case they value the role they play, because we realize we’re here to learn from all the vast array of roles being played out on earth… for the benefit of the ascension of the soul.
Proper alignment, or agreement towards future better alignment is especially important… because we do create these energetic and karmic ties with those we get involved with. All of who they are… past, present and who they plan to be in the future, is absorbed into the union. This means if they are sad, you pick up on it, if they are manipulative, or lying you pick up on it, if they are hateful, resentful or jealous you pick up on it all 100%. Not that we always do something about the negative stuff, as often times we don’t want to believe what we are picking up, and choose to let the lesson continue until a time that we love ourselves enough… to finally use our own free will and self-love and respect to move past it.
For us, it is imperative that people understand when we say we cannot listen to certain music, or watch certain things on TV like horror movies, or to listen to aggressive or angry tones of voice for too long, that they believe us (and care about that). Also, we are often … unable to be in large groups of people for a long period of time without respite, because of how draining the exchange of energies can be for us! This is because everything for the empath is felt energetically! For example, if a couple at a party was having a domestic dispute prior to the party, no matter how drunk people get, we will feel the pain of the abused at that party. We tend to gravitate toward those that need healing for some reason… and is why those who have the most complex personalities, or life situations are drawn to us.
I personally feel that not all people labeled as narcissist are inherently evil or bad people. I feel they are playing a role, but I also believe those roles are diminishing as we ascend, so that even they will be looking to those who are already doing their inner work, for help and assistance in their own healing. With this one thought, it opens a whole different idea about the reasons for the empath and narcissist relationship. It is not just for us to learn from them… it is for use to learn from each other. They are not inhuman; they are all a part of GOD/Source just like we are. No one better than the other, just differing roles. I think this is what Jesus meant when he said to love our enemies. We truly can only ascend if we all learn more about love and forgiveness. This doesn’t mean we don’t seek justice or better alignment, only that we do our part in giving people a chance, but keep the balance with self-love and respect, enough to know when to move onto something better. We must all seek the path of enlightenment we came here to experience, whether we are an empath or a narcissist. Holding hatred toward those that have wronged us, doesn’t help any of use ascend. In fact, it is one of the things holding us all back right now. True forgiveness has real power in this world. But it’s entirely okay to mourn and take time to heal and understand the tough lessons that come through our experiences.
Anyone can get better at loving I believe… unless their role is to always be this way for their entire lifetime. Then in that case, we are only to learn from those rigid types of personalities, and to learn self-love and respect from those relationship dynamics. We can still love them at a distance … as part of the whole learning process, but we aren’t supposed to use that as an excuse to stay in something that will only hold us back from experiencing true love and joy in this lifetime. We all have free will to choose who we surround ourselves with, even if it means homelessness for a time… to get away from something that will ultimately destroy our ability to find happiness in this lifetime.
If you are paying attention however… to what is going on all around this planet, it’s like the end of days scenario. There is so much chaos, but there are more good people in this world, than bad, more order than chaos, more love than hate. And if you believe in the idea of ascension of the soul, like most empaths do, then you must hold out hope for all of humanities ability to learn, grow, and get collectively to the next level. This will eventually mean that all roles that do not support ascension long term, will be eliminated through the natural laws of the universe… where the positive forces always win out in the end.
Needing to be with a partner who understands how vibration affects everything in our lives, from thoughts, actions, emotions, intentions and words.
The empath being super tied to the vibration of all things on the planet (and the universe), have a very hard time getting others to see the importance of looking at how things affect us vibrationally. An empath in general I feel is better off alone, than to be involved in a relationship where this very important point is never understood. We feel the individual energies of the people, animals etc. as well as the collective energies of the planet, and even the galaxy and universe. Empaths tend to be in tune with the energies of the planet such as following the Schumann resonance. Many times an empath will feel off energetically, and then go look at those charts, only to see them way off the scale.
I’m not trying to build up the empath as this infallible or special person. The empath is just playing a role like any other, but I do believe they tend to be on the side of doing the most good in this world. Most come here ready to take on their roles, and to be there for others as they so often are. Others forget for a while and get overwhelmed by the energies they absorb and may get involved in addictive, or destructive behaviors for a time. This too is a part of them getting to know themselves, and their gift. Some come already knowing how to deal with things, and others are met with different challenges, and different lessons to learn.
There is no one best way to learn, and each of us comes with an individual set of lessons to learn from. At least that is the hope for the empath, is to learn enough in this lifetime, to help others ascend individually and collectively. Empaths are sought out for their insight, and for their support, but rarely if ever get the same in return from others around them. This is because so many…. seem to need so much that we can provide in the way of support. However, this idea that we are here to save the world is one that must go away. It is all our jobs to save this world from the dark forces, that seek to control and manipulate. It is a game of 5d chess, that we must all learn to play. There is a spiritual war going on in this world right now, and the ones that are most connected to love, and forgiveness are the ones that will complete the mission of the ascension of the soul.
In order to get to the point of ascension, one must navigate this world, by learning to align with things that mostly support our ability to remain in a higher vibration. The lower vibration lessons are important too, but we must learn from them and not stay low forever. This is how we lose, when we get caught up in the notion that we must alone save the world, and fix everything for others. It is better to seek closer alignments with those we choose to surround ourselves with, those who have already done some of the inner work themselves, and those that value the thoughts, feelings and emotions of others. We must generally align with people, and things that vibrate at a level equal to, or greater than our own, and to seek more and more knowledge and enlightenment.
We also sometimes still need to work in the lower vibrational realms but is best done with those that also see value in resolving their own problems and are willing to grow together as a team towards a common goal. Which is always to seek love, forgiveness, understanding, and compassion towards self and others. If no cooperation is happening in the lower vibrational realms, after being willing to work together to gain that higher more aligned vibration, we must eventually move on, and let that other person do their work alone, if too much resistance, pushback or stubbornness occurs. Sometimes it will take several iterations for some of the lower vibrational scenarios to play out, and this goes for empaths as well. We can all hit rock bottom, even as an empath. And in fact, empaths are just as susceptible to overload, and with giving up on themselves and others. It takes great insight and care, to remain on track towards learning what we all needed to learn by coming here. If we look at ourselves as saviors for others, then we do a disservice to others by holding back the lessons they could be experiencing, by allowing ourselves to become a crutch for others to rest on.
This means we must care for all that we consume, mind, body and spirit. Meaning if something feels wrong vibrationally, or is doing us harm, such as our bad habits, our diets, our relationships, our music, our programming, we must take control and learn to make better choices. The more we learn self-love, and respect for ourselves; and the more we understand how a very strong mind, body and spirit connection is for our ascension, the more we will be in tune with our own individual purposes. I believe no matter our chosen roles, that the goal is for us all to collectively ascend, and to learn absolute love and forgiveness, of self and others, and to be of more service to others. To let go of things more, and to trust that the universe will present to us, exactly what we intend on experiencing. If we choose negative thoughts, ideas, and values systems, then only negative outcomes will occur, but if we strive for positive thoughts, ideas, and value systems, then we have more of a chance at the best possible outcomes in this life, and to be able to ascend spiritually. Ascending however, does also include lessons in the lower vibrational realms, but again we are supposed to navigate upwards, and not get stuck in the lower realms for too long.
We do better with people who have a very similar moral and value system.
I personally feel that one of the things most empaths do, is to eventually come to the determination, that they have (or have built over many years) very strong moral standards, and very strong boundaries. This is also relative to what they are willing to expose themselves too, in order to feel comfortable vibrationally. Whenever I bring this up with people however, it comes across to them on many occasions as judgmental of those that do not hold the same, or similar values.
They immediately think we look down on those that live their lives in a different way. Nothing could be further from the truth. The fact of the matter is, in most cases when people get defensive, it is the empath that catches the brunt of the judgement, by being made out to be a villain for simply having the desire to avoid certain behaviors, or to not align with those that are careless towards, or indifferent to the feelings of others. So, they project judgement back onto the empath for simply honoring what they choose to align with or not.
I have spent most of my life trying to fit a square peg into a round hole in my relationships, only to see that in doing so, forces us into the savior mindset. Where we end up doing all the work to keep things going regarding open and honest communication, and to be able to foster a truly loving and compassionate union. Most of the time however, for whatever reason, we tend to pick people who need us, and desire to be like we are, but only to be left frustrated because they are unwilling to do what it takes, or to even admit they need to do some inner work themselves.
To be successful at relationships for an empath, is to know when someone can work together or not – and to identify it early on. We also need to have the courage to address any major issues early on, if things look like more of the same as usual, with the constant pushback, and stubbornness around embracing the idea of self-help, self-improvements, and self-motivations, and good intentions. As individuals and couples, the empath will always have this expectation that there is enough love in the relationship where both people care about how what they do, mind-body and spirit energetically, influences the other.
And we expect that action be taken to first explore calmly and lovingly what needs to be established for boundaries, so that both people can feel comfortable with the relationship dynamic etc., and so that real trust can be built. Many empaths have trust issues because of initially being deceived by very crafty narcissists, who only want to take from life, and to control the people and situations around them. There is a huge difference between an empaths desire to control their environment through ensuring better vibrational alignment through either working together as a team to strive towards agreed interpersonal goals or deciding to move onto better situations because of too much complexity…. from those that lie, manipulate, gaslight, or otherwise try to negatively control the behaviors of others.
We need to be able to work together towards common goals, while still allowing some level of differences in our individual personalities, morals and standards. However, I personally feel that there cannot be major differences, and too much push back on getting into alignment with each other on the big issues such as morals, standards, and general life philosophies. Resisting this most important work, will simply never work out in my opinion. No two people will ever be exactly the same (that’s not the expectation here), but I find that total opposites never work well… when it comes to one person not embracing change for the better in general, and with seeing no value in doing their own inner work. We do this inner work not only for ourselves, but because we value resolving our own inner most issues. We also do this work, so we can become happier, and more loving, engaging, and giving partners, lovers, friends and relatives. I feel the genuine empath generally has a very high moral and value system. And based on these high moral and value systems (we try our best to maintain) … we desire and need that level of connection with those we choose to surround ourselves with.
We are willing to do what we can to battle our own inner issue, to maintain what is in our hearts (especially for what supports our own mission and purpose in life), and whenever we break our own promises to ourselves, we feel at our worst. This can happen when we have given into our own bad habits, to feel temporarily good, such as with bringing back old bad habits, or addictions. This usually comes at a time when we have felt like giving up out of frustration … or are again feeling like a victim. We care so deeply for the truth, and therefore we place such a high value on things like setting clear boundaries, developing trust, honesty, and open communication.
This comes naturally to the empath because we know and have experienced so many relationships… where this was not present… and have tried so desperately to attain those things in relationships never geared for this. Then we realize most of those types of relationships with the harsh pushback on working together, were simply there for us to learn from. They were there for us to learn to be more discerning about alignments, and to learn to value ourselves just as much as we do others. And to learn to see the same potential in ourselves and our ability to grow, as we see in others as well.
We do better with people who are at least willing to work on things that are not currently in alignment.
This point just expands on the prior point a bit, wherein this is not only about seeking those people already in alignment with us. We must realize that it is okay to give people a chance that are truly seeking a life of change and growth, and who value the idea of change for the better in this life. The problems I feel for the empath are when they fall in love with a person, and see great potential in them for great change, but they in many cases … simply either don’t value self-improvement or will never see that potential in themselves for whatever reason.
So, it’s important to find this distinction between those that own their own issues, and are willing to even dig into such things together as a team (such as deficits in communication), from those that are only ever going to resist personal growth. The hard part with a narcissist is they are masters of procrastination, manipulation, and deceit. They can really fool a person into thinking they want to make changes for the better, only to be left totally disappointed after thinking you’d be working as a team loving and caring for each other. The hope is always with each party wanting to help support each other… through whatever challenges you face as a couple.
The empath values above all else… this desire to gain the ultimate-goal in this life, through attaining a balance of mind-body and spirit, as individuals and as partners. We must take care of our mental health, our physical health, and our soul connections with each other, as well as with source. All things are connected in this way and are not separate from each other. A person even in a wheelchair has the choice of hygiene, or no hygiene, better diet or no diet, bad habits or healthy habits. It all influences our mind-body spirit balance, and our overall happiness as human beings while in this 3d school we call earth. Those that only look at life as what can be taken from it, rather than a balance of give and take, will have a much harder time coming to the determination about the purpose of their own lives.
We certainly don’t match well with the narcissists, and sociopaths, but then again who does?
I think it’s a given that most empaths realize that they cannot make things work with someone that is an incurable narcissist, or a clinically diagnosed sociopath. However, those personalities will come into our lives for a time, to get us to realize our own self-worth, and to teach us things about dealing with difficult personalities, deceptions and manipulations. We learn through these relationships what it means to suffer, and with that we gain even more insight into what so many others are going through, so we are even more prepared to help others. I do wonder sometimes, when this game will be over, and we are finally gifted with this idea of ascension eliminating the need for these dark roles. Until then, we must realize the gift that it can be… for the learning experience it provides to us. And to still look at those darker roles as part of God as well, and something we all agreed to go through for our own growth potential. We are supposed to eventually learn to navigate away from things that hold our own spiritual development back, as this influences the collective as well. If we let depression overtake us because of our experiences with these personalities, then we are missing the point of what needs to be learned is self-love, and forgiveness of self and others… regardless of the types of intimate relationships we have while we are here.
We need to be with people who understand life’s purpose is to learn and grow, and at the same time fully understand what it means to have free will.
The people that empaths can attract because of our ability to see the good in others, can really be tricky in the beginning to pinpoint what a person is all about. Because we desire love, and connections with others, and to help and heal others, we can really be taken advantage of …. by those that are manipulators. Some people only pretend that they are spiritually focused, understand life’s purpose, and can relate to others, and they use many tactics to convince others they truly understand what it means to love. They also try to convince others that life is set in stone, and that we don’t really have free will to choose a different path because of our agreed roles. I personally believe that anything is possible when the collective hits a tipping point toward positive change. Through free will, we can have totally different lives, even from what we originally intended when we came here in the first place. Alternative paths will always be presented to us, until we learn certain lessons, or we must do so in another lifetime because of our own free will to avoid what needs to be done.
I remember telling a woman who I thought was sincere in her expression of love toward me, that I loved the way she kissed me. And her response without hesitation was, “oh I only do whatever you do, and I mimic that”. I was really blown away by the emptiness of that statement, and right then I knew the expression was not sincere, but rather a true mimicking to get what they want, which was only self-gratification, and not any kind of inherent giving or true loving nature. As I paid closer attention to their actions, and words, I realized things would quickly go downhill from there – and it really did. I’m still not sure if this was classic narcissism or learned narcissism as a result of having to keep emotional walls up all their life. I decided I was too old to go through that exploration process yet again at my age. Life as we get older offers us better insight into exactly what we want, and exactly what we will or will not… risk wasting time on again, because time is quickly running out. Being alone sometimes, is better than wasting so much time trying to teach others the basics of a loving, caring and devoted relationship.
We prefer people who fully understand and have a desire to at least seek out true enlightenment through the balance of mind, body and spiritual concepts.
The empath has a real hard time partnering with those that procrastinate with or look down on self-improvement. For example, … those that are only into fitness for the looks, and not for the heath etc. We also have a hard time watching those we love, do things that affect their health like poor diet, smoking, taking drugs, risky behaviors in general, or drinking too much alcohol. It’s not that we look down on those that do these things, it’s more that we love so deeply the person we are with, that it pains us too much to see people choosing things that can have a negative impact on their lives. This is because the health of each person affects the well being of the other, either physically or emotionally.
This is the very reason that most dating sites offer up those things as the main questions, such as how often you drink, do you take drugs, or smoke etc. Many empaths partake of these things as well, but eventually I feel everyone must deal with what it does to them on a vibrational level. Most know what is good or not for them as individuals. Most of the time, these things have negative consequences, especially if abused, or taken to the extreme. Empaths I feel are better off avoiding these things, as it is hard enough as an empath sometimes, to just deal with energetic alignments, without potentially introducing additional challenges into the mix. All the people I know empath or not, that use things to escape reality, usually end up with some kind of addiction, or dependence on things that in the long run… only do more harm than the temporary relief they seem to provide. The effect always wears off, and the problems don’t go away through this kind of escapism or avoidance behavior.
We need people to understand that our initial seriousness must be there… for us to feel comfortable and to work towards trusting – so that we can let our guard down later and have more fun.
Because the empath has been hurt so very deeply in relationships of the past, we tend to over time seem very serious when starting a new relationship. This is because we have learned not to be so lax in our ability to use logic… rather than only emotion to make decisions. We have learned the importance of asking a lot of questions up front, and to see what kind of reaction you get through the learning process, and to see if things truly line up energetically, spiritually, and emotionally for us. This can seem very intense in the beginning, but once boundaries are set, and trust is established, you will never experience another love like an empath is able to give. However, we tend to find that with the kinds of people we can attract, that this can truly be very difficult… to even be allowed to go through the discovery process. A seasoned empath, who has done enough of the inner work, will see the red flags much earlier than they have in the past. This is what empaths must learn, to balance love of self with the love we give out to others. If this is way off balance in what we get in return, we need to learn to let go and move on happily, and without regret or too much feeling a victim. This can be hard when the same things keep happening sometimes, because of the natural attraction to the narcissists.
We cannot wait to resolve issues, because procrastination, or avoidance is never an option for the empath. We simply cannot survive what that does to us internally.
People will often want to put off dealing with conflict, or avoid it all together, or act like something negative never even happened, or even deny things that were said in conversation. The narcissist will avoid ever giving an apology… and will use the excuse that your expectation of working together on things, is some kid of abuse or control issue. Rather than to see their own part in the problems, they tend to throw out statements that are wholly untrue to what happened and are mainly done to gaslight and manipulate the feelings of others. The thing that gives them away though, is in how they react to being called on lies, or deceit. They will usually act out in pure anger anytime they are questioned on anything of concern.
Or if you question something that was said, or even ask for clarity, there is so much anger and resentment sent back to the empath. This is one of the biggest red flags I feel that exists, when a person is not really going to be looking at things from the mind-body and spiritual perspective. They certainly don’t understand or appreciate what it means to make minor sacrifices for those they love, and how working together to establish clear boundaries is what every good relationship does almost naturally, and instinctively. The narcissist simply cannot wrap their mind around those concepts, because often they’ve never been challenged on how they choose to live their lives, from purely a self-centered perspective.
So, from the empath’s perspective, it is impossible to both not be allowed to go through the discovery process (and establish clear boundaries), and to be forced to procrastinate or avoid conversations where things need to be clearly resolved, or understood. We must; absolutely must be allowed to address things as soon as possible, because leaving things festering or unresolved, tears the heart out of the soul of an empath. This is the ultimate form of rejection, that an empath simply is unwilling to accept long term. Even the most patient among us, will eventually see the light of this manipulation, and avoidance behavior. However, it takes the self-love and self-respect to truly act and make these tough decisions to move on from those we have invested so much in the hopes for positive, loving change.
I hope this gives some insight into how I personally feel about the relationship subject, pertaining to the empath perspective, and I hope you also can share your thoughts on this, or your own perspective as well. Namaste!
Rick Maki