What’s the problem with your imperfections?
Today we are going to talk about the problem with our imperfections. The title of this article may seem a bit aggressive, but only because we need to look deeper at the meaning of this statement.
There is profoundness, in knowing what our imperfections really are, and how to deal with them. The statement here isn’t about the imperfections themselves, but rather our perceptions of our imperfections, and how those perceptions can affect us. That is the only real imperfection that exists, is that we have somehow been convinced, that we are not already perfect exactly the way we are. I’ll clarify this point as we go along, but this concept of expecting perfections is different than working on one’s goals, and improvements in specific areas of our human development.
This article will show us that in spite of our perceived imperfections, we can learn to love, respect and appreciate those things, that we consider as our shortcomings.
So, why does the title suggest there is a problem with our imperfections, as if to confirm how we feel about those things that bug us – and about certain aspects of ourselves? It’s to get you thinking about the fact, that there truly are no imperfections. There are only perceptions and attitudes about certain aspects of ourselves, our development, our education, our social class, our spiritual path or whatever categories we or society puts ourselves in at any given time. It’s truly more about the perception of imperfections making us feel less than others, and perhaps sometimes feeling like we don’t fit into the box that society has built for us from birth.
Societies role in shaping our beliefs about ourselves
So, ask yourself a couple of question: “How did I form my opinions about my perceived imperfections, whether they be physical, mental, educational, social, societal etc.?” Then also ask yourself: “Did I form this opinion without the input of others, or was there some outside opinion, or pressure from others, that you allowed to make you feel imperfect?”
Many times – or “much of the time”, I think we can all say there was some kind of outside influence shaping the negative opinions we can (at times) have of ourselves. If we are not careful however, we can get stuck into a cycle of needing the approval of others, and having to live up to the standards others set for us, rather than living our own authentic lives.
I personally feel though – that the only other kind of imperfection that exists, is in giving up on our own personal goals and standards, and giving into the perception of others. Having said that however, there is a fine line between just accepting our current level of development, and giving up with an attitude that it doesn’t matter if I try, because I don’t care about the opinions of others. This is where we have to dovetail life’s purpose into this conversation, so that we can tie it all together.
We need to understand our purpose and how that ties into how we feel about ourselves
Without an understanding of the purpose of life, the opinions of others might never matter at all. The point here is to learn to identify positive feedback from negative feedback, and which players in life we may want to care about and value their opinions… as merely feedback to help us out interpersonally. You might think that the only kind of positive feedback that exists is in the complement for a job well done, a compliment on our character, a compliment on our personal goals and accomplishments etc. Actually, there is a lot to be learned about the breadth of positive feedback, in a sense that it is important to pay attention to patterns of feedback which keep coming up – that we might not agree with initially, or may consider the feedback attacking in nature or simply an unfair assessment. This could be due to lack of personal awareness, or perhaps self-preservative defensiveness. The difference between negative feedback and feedback given to help support/improve our relationships with others and the world around us, is so far apart from each other.
An example of positive uncomfortable feedback… might be when a close friend or relative, keeps bringing up the same complaints, but does it in a way… that they wish the situation or behavior would change so that the relationship can grow, and become more beneficial for you both. A fair friend or relative, would mainly consider the more severe issues, where the relationship is truly being negatively impacted by a particular behavior, rather than just someone who is nitpicking every mannerism, and comments you make, as a way to gaslight, or otherwise control the relationship dynamic.
An example of a truly negative agenda, might be someone who berates you for some particular behavior, or mannerisms (no matter how minor or extreme), such as making fun of it constantly, or telling you things like “you will never understand because you are incapable of that kind of thing.” Essentially bullying you, and constantly berating you, and eventually making you dislike anyone who possesses the same feelings on a topic, placing you into a constant defensive mode. Even with this kind of abuse… we have a choice to either react to it, or move past it. A negative reaction is exactly what this kind of person is trying to get out of you, and without your response, they are completely powerless over you! It’s also important not to confuse someone who is simply defensive from their past experiences, from someone who’s truly attacking and has an agenda, and simply using manipulation to control others, and trying to control how others feel about themselves.
No one Is really perfect, because perfect is always subject to someone’s opinion
We all have things that we consider positive or negative about our personalities, and all of this itself is perfect in the context of life in general. Meaning; that all of the good and bad is entirely perfect according to the universe and our purpose – if you believe the reason for being here is to learn and grow that is. I suspect that since you are reading this article, that you likely already believe this concept through your own discovery or inner knowing already.
This doesn’t mean however… that if there is no real perfection – that we shouldn’t try to improve the things that aren’t currently working out for us. We need to learn to be better listeners, so that we might actually have a chance at learning something about ourselves, and about the perspective of others. There is true power in that level of compassion, which is the only way we can all come together, and ascend spiritually as a collective. It can truly be hard sometimes, to know when someone is just giving feedback that might benefit us (because it can still feel very uncomfortable), from a direct and intentional abusive attack on our characters.
Why we overreact sometimes
Some of our reactions comes from our own insecurities from our own past experiences and mental conditioning. This can include overreactions with anger, emotions, defensiveness, and a general feeling of inadequacy. All of this however, is the responsibility of the abused, to stand strong in their own power and convictions, and with knowing we are all truly part of the one infinite creator, and no one is better than the other… regardless of the roles they are playing right now. Sometimes when we are compared to others (good or bad), those people might be better at a particular skill, but it doesn’t necessarily make them better people. To alleviate any jealousy, or feelings of inadequacy, we must not allow others to force us into participating in a competitive situation with others. Our only competition in life should really be against ourselves, and the next level of achievement we choose to strive for, and we do it for ourselves and no one else. Many of the best athletes know they are not perfect, and that perfection is impossible, and that they are never in competition with anyone else, but when they strive to maintain, beat or meet their best performance, they end up winning against others much of the time without even having to think about the competition.
The greatest lessons we’ll take with us into the afterlife when we die, are how to become more compassionate, loving, and forgiving of ourselves and others. This also includes an importance in understanding how to balance that love and respect, using a service-oriented attitude, towards ourselves and others. As soon as the focus goes back onto what we plan to gain or coheres out of life, rather than to be of service, and automatically be rewarded with the laws of attraction and Karma, we end up right back to square one, learning the same lessons over and over again. We must keep our eyes on balanced service to ourselves and others, as our ultimate goal. Striking that balance of self-love, and respect, and equal respect of others can be very challenging, but an amazing discovery process.
In the extreme cases … If we can get ourselves to a point, where the opinions of others while under a real narcissistic, or sociopathic attack – never matters to us… then we can begin to open up to valuing the opinion of those that truly have something good to offer us. We have to be open to the valuable feedback of people we know we can trust, and whom might actually have something we need to consider about changing in our own lives. Generally speaking though… people like this are usually as good at taking similar advice from you as well, but if not; this probably means you are either not on the same or similar levels in your personal development, or they are simply trying to control or manipulate.
A confident and more advanced person… will at least be willing to have the conversation, even if they disagree with you. This can be the hardest thing to do… to look at ourselves in the mirror, own what is true about our current development level, and make a commitment to change what has never worked for us in the past, stopping the wheel of Bad Karma. Check out my article on stopping the wheel of Karma. Again, it’s not whether we become perfect at any of this, it is only in the striving to be in tune with how we affect others, and how our actions affect our lives, and the lives of those we love, that we can ever learn anything of value. It’s only then that we can continue with the gift of learning… that we all have a chance to do while we are here on this planet. We must look at learning and personal growth as a gift, so we don’t waste our lives hiding from the inevitable, because on the other side of this learning curve… is a whole new world of confidence, knowing you can face down any internalized negativity, or any negativities imposed on us by others in our past.
We cannot hide from our past, nor can we hide just to feel safe
We have to remember we are here to be with others, not hide from others, and from life, and to learn to stand up for our own truths, while allowing others to have their own truths as well. To elaborate a bit more on this point – this means that it’s certainly okay to have your time out to recharge, but avoidance of human contact to avoid conflict, does nothing for the purpose of learning, growing, and challenging ourselves to get better socially, educationally (formal or informal), spiritually, creatively or whatever your desires or alignment of purpose is for you personally.
No one has to develop (to the extreme) all of those things, but if you know in your heart, that part of you path is to develop certain skills, to be more in service to others… or to align more with your inner most interests in talents (so you can find true happiness), then you must get busy taking one step at time, and challenging yourself each and every day to step outside of your comfort zone. You would do this, until this new habit of striving and learning becomes part of your permanent persona. Avoidance and keeping in the safe zone… will only produce a wasted life, where nothing really gets accomplished. It’s like the very challenging condition (Agoraphobia) where people can sometimes get crippled with fear, because they are afraid to live their lives, because of the past, or because of the dangers that can exist in this world.
The following statement is not meant to be medical advice, which otherwise might be given by a professionally trained Doctor… but I personally believe that small steps toward nutritional, physical and mental health, and in the best possible environment, can really heal a lot for a person. Even with extreme conditions like PTSD from abuse and neglect, including Anxiety, Agoraphobia, and Depression etc. If you had bad parents, be your own parent, if you had bad teachers, be your own teacher, if you had bad friends, be your own best friend first, and watch the universe start to bring in those that are like you, at just the right time in your personal development, to be there as mentors, to help you strive and grow. I suspect you visited this website for the exact same desire, and I hope you will find your mentor not in just my own words and personal experiences, but in the sharing back and forth on our social networking groups on social media, and on our own more private social area of this website.
You have to find the courage, and the motivation to take those first few steps for yourself, regardless of the opinions of others, and regardless of your current direct support system. The internet by itself is a treasure trove of good and bad advice. The best way to determine one from the other, is to learn how to do deep research, and how to discern real truth, from someone with a political, or personal agenda. If you listen to what truly resonates in your heart, you will find the truth, but don’t be fooled by past experience, and past fear filtering your judgements, and giving you truth distortions, or biases because of a deep-rooted emotional attachment to your past experiences. To find real truth takes being able to separate our past experiences, from what is happening right here in front of us now, so that our judgement is not based solely on emotion and not also on logic and probability.
Back to communication
Back to the communication aspects: we all need to start learning to debate and discuss (and sometimes agree to disagree) rather than to argue and manipulate, or to try too drastically to change the opinions of others. The best way to change the opinion of others, is to state your case, but move on and let your example be the truth that wins out in the end. If your opinion is truth, it will show itself eventually, if it is somewhere in between, you will learn more as you keep researching, and can update that conversation at a later date. Always leave room for the possibility of being wrong or at least slightly off, as corroborating facts begin to present themselves. The bottom line in good communication, is to always keep the emotion under control, and to come from a place of understanding first, and then it is safe to seek understanding yourself. We can still use emotion however, to stand up for what we feel in our hearts is right, and to motivate ourselves to act to learn the truth of so many things in this world, politics, crime, mysteries whatever. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to project your life experiences on that of the accused for example, or on those we are not understanding because of our own personal prejudices formed by our own personal experiences.
However, we must always approach truth when it comes to those who are accused, with giving everyone in this world the benefit of the doubt first (that their truth may or may not be true), until otherwise proven true or false through fact finding, and evidence. Yes, a person can be assumed to be telling the truth, or lying based on past patterns of dishonesty, but even dishonest people can be innocent of an accusation at times. This is what makes our country (the USA) and our way of life, fairer than any other place on the planet…. until such a time, that we can read the minds of those telling us their so-called truth. Until then, all we have is our own ability to put prejudice aside, in order to fairly seek the truth, otherwise there is a chance that someone even close to you could be falsely accused of a lie, and have their whole life ruined over an accusation, because they might have made mistakes in their past.
Again, this is also a standard of perfection, that society places on us, by expecting that a person can never improve their lives, or their motives, when they’ve been dishonest in the past. Otherwise if we base truth solely on the past actions of a person, people will never have a reason to change their behavior, and will many times keep up that very behavior… because they see no reason to bother changing for the better. Although in this case, I would suggest that person stick to the commitment they made to themselves, and to others, and again let the truth stand for itself in the evidence. Yes, in any system of justice, we’ll have people who get away with lies, deceit, and crimes, but we have to remember that it’s their Karama to deal with, and that everything truly happens for a reason. Those people will suffer through the power of their own Karma, if not in this life, perhaps the next.
I truly believe though, that with all of the opinions being slung around back and forth in this world, that there are real indisputable truths, that stand alone regardless of opinion. I also believe the real truth always has a way of showing itself – if not right away, over time, and can really only be expressed or shown through example, experience, and an intention to learn. Sometimes we can find those people who think very similarly to us, and it can be fun to discuss and confirm how we feel about things with them. As an empath, it can really be hard to find our tribes sometimes, and to feel like we fit In, or that we are understood in our own expression of our truth.
Then there are the other folks out there, who simply seem to never see things the way that we do. What do we do with those kinds of so-called difficult people? We listen and try to understand their perspective, and don’t rush to judgment that they are being difficult, unless you have real evidence that they are manipulative, or dishonest, through identifying repeated patterns yourself. Even if we really disagree whole heartedly – sometimes all it takes to open up a peaceful debate, is to listen first, and ask questions for clarification, and reflect back to them what they are saying, so they know we have heard what they are saying. Too much emotion on both sides of a debate, can interfere with good communication, if both parties are not allowed to get their thoughts on the table, and understood. Understanding does not mean we agree, only that we respect the opinions of others enough to listen to what’s in their hearts. A lot of what seems to go on these days, are conversations where people just talk past each other, never really hearing what is being said, because of stubbornly holding only our own rigid views, without consideration of what others have gone through, or what they truly desire.
So, putting the extremes of narcissism aside, and well as possible sociopathy (because nothing of real value can easily be gained with those extreme personalities [besides our own learning]) … I believe that when we receive judgement of perceived imperfections from others who do not hold extreme personalities – in an aggressive or attacking manor… that this usually means that some part of the conversation holds a deep and very sensitive emotional attachment for them, and as a result it is held very rigidly in their own heart and mind. We have to learn to be able to speak not only to people’s logical minds, but also to their hearts, and emotions… and we must be cognizant of their fears as well, so that we can understand where they are coming from in the moment. Mostly we just need to listen first, reflect the information back, and then ask for clarity, and assume the best intentions first. Then we can begin to express our own feelings on the subject, and either come to an agreement, or let it be a simple disagreement for the moment. Letting it progress to a level of anger, and rage solves nothing, and we’ll at this point never have a chance at convincing anyone of our own point of view if things are escalated that far, on a regular basis. Take some time out, and distance yourself before reengaging again if you have to, or learn to simply let go and let it be. Let the truth show itself over time in those extreme cases.
To truly understand our purpose, is to release ourselves from any goals of perfection
Although we can never attain the mythical perfection, that some claim to already possess, we can absolutely decide that personal improvement, and goal setting is important to us, or we can choose laziness, and procrastination, and just getting by with the minimal effort possible.
Many of us get so tired from the circumstances of life… that we find ourselves in; that we only exist day to day, in order to support a lifestyle, our families wellbeing, or to live up to the expectation of others in our lives. These expectations can come from anyone around us, our family, our siblings, our parents, our boss, our community, our customers, our parish or whatever. True expression of purpose comes from living a life the way it was intended, with all of the good and the bad. It’s only through the contrast of good and bad, that we can appreciate the striving for good in this world. There is power – “much more power” in choosing a good and healthy life – mind, body and spirit! Striving to do our best, but releasing ourselves from any notion of perfection, leads to a much happier life!
How do we define what it means to live a good life?
This is a personal opinion of my own, but of course many folks have a different opinion about what it means to live a good life. Some find happiness in having a lot of money, success, fame or whatever. None of those things are bad by themselves, but how you attain and share your successes will definitely have an effect on your ability to find happiness in this life. To start the conversation about how I feel about this topic, I believe one must ask themselves first … “how much do you give in life, and how much do you take from life?” – “Do you feel balanced in that respect, or do you feel out of balance?” Are there ways in which you know you could do better, but opt not to motivate yourself for fear of committing to the wrong things? Most of the time, this mentality happens for people who’ve never truly aligned with their purpose, or even tried to attain the things that would help them reach their alignment, like education (self-taught, or formally taught), or to even take minor steps in the direction of their purpose.
We all have 24 hours in our day, so ask yourself how you really apply yourself towards learning what your purpose is, and what will make you happy, and whether or not you have taken any steps towards your goals. A fear of failure is another thing that holds us back. We might strive, and then fail! I personally feel that nothing ventured nothing gained mentality, is definitely better than living life with a mindset similar to never playing the lottery, but still feeling entitled to win the jackpot. We have to participate in our own self discovery process, and cannot wait for others to do it for us, including the universe. The universe will only put opportunities in our path, but it’s always up to us what we choose to do with those opportunities, and our decisions to lead conscious or unconscious lives. This is the way of a good life, to be willing to do the work of self-discovery, and then reaping the benefits of truly aligning with what you are drawn intrinsically to do. It is never too late in life to re-evaluate, and re-align with our talents, and our purpose. There are so many creative ways to express our talents, and you never know what the process of discovery can lead to. For example: sometimes hobbies, like the arts and crafts, can lead people to invest in a joint ventured antique shop, or other kind of associated business. Getting out and meeting like minded people, and investing our love, support and encouragement into others, can come back around to add so much love and value to our own lives.
Balancing the give and take relationship we all have with life
We are always working to balance the ability to give and take, and sometimes we forget the power we have in simply just lending an ear as a friend, or lending a hand on a project, or with giving of our resources or time. It’s not always easy for some of us to give of our resources and time, but we all have the ability to give with our expressions of gratitude, our expressions of love, and our expressions of support and encouragement. No matter what, we always have ways we can give to others, even if it’s just to hold the door open for the elderly (or the injured), or to help someone shovel snow in the winter who cannot otherwise help themselves, or to do the dishes and chores for someone, volunteer work etc. These all seem like minor gestures, but they all matter just as much, if not more than the giving of our monetary resources. There is a more personal connection when we are in direct contact with the ones we are helping, and that is one of the most important things in life, to help the needy as much as possible. Remember, we don’t do this for Karmic points, but we do it because it’s the right thing to do, and our Karama is always keeping track by itself anyway. Let your Karama build positively (but without thinking about it), through a change in mindset – a change towards more forgiveness, love, compassion, and through deciding that giving of our time, our skills, our advice, and support to those in need… really matters for the individual, as much as for the collective.
Attitude plays a key role in the desire to live a good life
Some of us have gone through some really horrific things, either in our childhood, or in our adult lives, and sometimes even both. One of the most horrific things that a human being can go through, is to have their faith of a divine power taken away from them, through traumatic events. If we don’t understand the bad is there for us to learn from, and that we likely agreed to go through some of these things, so that we can ascend into enlightened beings, we’ll never get the point of understanding our life’s purpose. If we can try to understand that some of the greatest lessons in life, are with experiencing these hardships, so we can have a real appreciation of the good, and to help others recover from similar situations – then we can more easily appreciate the universal laws of personal and spiritual growth. The goal of evil, is to take away your sovereignty, and your faith in something that exists out there (God, Source or whatever), that is above all else… no matter what happens here in this temporary 3d school we call Earth. Forgiveness of our perpetrators, our past, and even of ourselves, is paramount in living a good life, and with being able to move on energetically enough, so that we can begin to attract better experiences, and better opportunities into our lives. I have several articles already on this site, that focus more in depth on how to forgive in different situations, see those articles here: How to Forgive In Difficult Situations, The Power Of Love and Forgiveness.
Why is holding the idea of perfection, or being an extreme perfectionist, counterproductive to our growth?
To answer that question, we have to first remember the differences between a life striving to be our best, and striving to always be more authentic to what we love in our hearts, from some kind of arbitrary level of perfection, where no mistakes are ever made, and everyone, and everything is boring because of it. There is only perfection in knowing it doesn’t exist! What is perfect is in making the decision to live a life of constant improvement, constant re-alignment, and constant balance of service to self and others.
To go after those dreams, and to do whatever it takes to achieve our own personal happiness – even if it takes years to accomplish. As long as you are happy on your journey, it’s not the reaching of the destination, but the journey where most of our real growth takes place. In fact, the most successful people never arrive at their goals, and are never getting their work “all done.” They accomplish goals, and milestones, and immediately set new ones, and are constantly improving on their processes, which includes self-discovery and self-education for a lifetime. Also, it is in learning to have fun, and to play as hard as we work.
Monitoring our use of the potentially addicting, and life sucking TV series out there… that can essentially turn us into zombies if we let it, is also important to have time to achieve our goals. This also includes a captive audience eager to consume whatever version of the news we are fed, without doing our own true research. Getting out and involved with life, is the best way to find out the truth, or to be involved with reality instead of so-called reality TV fed to us… as simply the way life truly is. This is all a mental distraction from true reality! To have some downtime is okay with entertainment, but to make it how you spend all of your free time, is simply another way to hide from accomplishing amazing things in your life. Just beware of keeping the balance… so you can also have more social time, as well as discovery, personal development, and learning time in your life.
If you need more resources in order to get out and live a better life, or to take a vacation, then get busy finding ways to make it happen. Everything can be accomplished with well written goals, and checking of your list of milestones along the way. That might mean working more for a period of time, or finding a new career where the work doesn’t feel like slavery, and you don’t care if you have a vacation, because work is like a vacation already. Some people can be happy simply with aligning with their purpose, like with the arts, and never feel like they have worked a day in their lives, even though they might never have the grand resources to take a fancy vacation. The richest people in the world are those that have to courage to think outside the box, and live their life to the best of their ability, and to surround themselves with people and environments that can support their goals, and their own personal happiness. This all takes breaking outside of the box, and getting to know people, and building a stronger network of like-minded friends.
One of the things that often comes up on our path toward achieving our goals, is with letting ourselves slip back into bad habits, and getting lazy again. Or if we are emotional, letting those emotions control our personal motivations to attain, or to follow through on our next steps towards our major goals. We often think, “man I fell off the wagon again”. And when that happens, we tend to negate all of the good we’ve done up to this point, which discourages us from taking any further actions. So, the major thing about life, and Karama, is the fact that everything we do “good or bad” is being recorded, and how our lives plays out can be a direct reflection of how we are maintaining our mind-body and spirit complex. We have to feed all three, and we have to keep them all in as much balance as possible, as they are never separate from each other, and each has a cross over effect on the other. We all know intrinsically what is right or wrong for us, and when we are frustrated with an outcome of our own fitness, or our own mentality, our own thoughts, or our personal motivations – it is almost always due to a decision patterns we’ve had in the past, that have kept us down for so long. We all have the power in every moment to break any negative decision patterns, no matter how bad the situation may seem, and to begin to strive for a better life, and better direction. No one else is going to steer the wheel for us, unless we let them, and if we do, they might not have our best interest at heart, and drive us off a cliff.
We are personally responsible for our own lives, and happiness, no matter what
Everyone in this life is personally responsible for the kind of life they have had up to this point, and continue to have, based on their intentions to learn, or their intentions to overcome or give up. If you have been a victim of horrific things, this can seem like I’m asking you to just get over it and move on. It’s more that we have a choice at every moment, to either give up, or stand up and fight for what is right and just. See this article on our choice points. We can never let evil take away our faith in the divine reasons we are here, otherwise we’ll never evolve into what we are capable of. To change our lives, we have to change our thoughts and change our reactions to all negativity, and simply let it be, and not own the pain that was perpetrated on us in the past. This is where we can really make a difference, with not ever letting a little fall back, hold us back from achieving or striving towards our ultimate goal(s). Even if we don’t arrive at our destination, we are still successful within the striving, because we are living our authentic lives, not caring about the judgements of others… as we go through our personal commitments we’ve made with ourselves, and with the universe before we came here to learn and grow spiritually. For an article on this topic, please see: The Remebrance.
I can go on and on about this subject, and will add more articles like this one in the future, but I wanted to at least get some of my thoughts and ideas out there regarding the fact that perfection is a myth, but would be best replaced by a mindset of growth, learning, self-development, and playing just as hard as we work, as life is supposed to be fun too! Developing our bodies, minds, souls, including compassion and forgiveness makes us better friends, relatives, lovers, and leaders of our communities, or to anyone who comes in contact with us. Let your actions speak for themselves, more than trying so drastically to convince others of your thoughts and feelings regarding truth. Let the truth speak for itself, and allow for there to be some grey areas in your own understanding of the truth, and to stay open minded to the wonders, and the magic of this life.
Have a great day!